Hey everyone!! It has been forever since I posted…I apologize. I honestly thought I’d have my life together by now and be back to posting daily. I’ve meant to…but the days have pretty much been blurs since Brooke arrived. I guess that’s what happens when you get zero sleep.
On the sleep front, things are getting better. She still wakes up about every 2-3 hours to eat which is rough, but I’ve been able to sleep more at night thanks to my husband and finally been able to nap during the day. I totally thought at first I’d be napping basically all day but those first two weeks, I could not fall asleep. I never had a problem napping before..I think it was the pressure I’d put on myself that I had to sleep. Finally, a few days ago, I fell asleep-thank God for naps.
Anyway, I titled this post “Baby Blues” because it’s something I was dealing with for the first few weeks and to some extent, still am. The reason I wanted to share it with you is because I haven’t heard much about it. The only things I’d ever hear were how overjoyed and happy new moms were (which is awesome..seriously). So, obviously, that’s what I expected. You’re so excited to have a baby for over 9 months..then you have her…you expect to be on cloud 9 right? I did, but I wasn’t.
Not feeling that overwhelming sense of joy made me really sad. I felt bad actually…like what was wrong with me? I should be happy!!
The feelings I did have were ones of fear and even sometimes regret. Like, what did I do? I’m not ready for this at all. I was also feeling trapped and somewhat isolated even though I had my husband and family around me. I hated these feelings. I say hated because most of these feelings have gone away by now-thank God.
I just felt like I was trapped now…stuck here, in my tiny house with this tiny person 24/7. In a way, I am…but I know now my husbands here to help me and we can and will get out (Brooke and I). I didn’t understand why I had these feelings because I knew newborns were a lot of work..everyone knows that! I knew she’d want to eat all the time and have a crazy sleep schedule…so why did I feel this way? It’s just so much easier beforehand to think “I’ll sleep when she sleeps.” Sounds so simple but it doesn’t always work out like that. Plus, I don’t want to sleep all day. I want to have a life.
The nurses did give me a heads up that you might feel the “baby blues” for about 2 weeks after giving birth, so I knew I could blame hormones, but it didn’t make it any easier. Crazy hormones coupled with zero sleep is never good.
Like, I said, I just wanted to talk about my experience because I assume others have gone through the same thing? I’ve just never heard about it. It seemed to me that most people I know who have had a baby were beyond thrilled-never sad.
Today, I feel much better. I still get overwhelmed and cry sometimes but that’s gotta be normal right? For the most part, I feel pretty good…just trying to get back to normal. Today I’m actually going to try to get to the gym for a little bit which will feel awesome.
Brooke is beautiful and a great baby. I never want to feel anger towards her because she’s a baby…she needs us.
Speaking of Brooke, I just heard what had to be a major poop so I should sign off. I’ll try to get back to posting regularly!! I miss it!
If you’ve had a baby (or know people who have), have you experienced any sort of baby blues?